It's all smiles and business these days

cokie__mason @ 2007-02-18T17:39:00

2007-02-18T22:44:07Z

The cast list of Grease went up a little while ago and rehearsals start this week. I didn't get Sandy or Rizzo. I didn't even get a song. I got Frenchie. And yeah, it could have been worse, I could have not gotten a part at all, but...

I don't know. Maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not meant to act and sing.

But it's really all I've ever wanted to do.

cokie__mason @ 2006-11-21T11:45:00

2006-11-22T02:45:24Z

I am so sick of being miserable. I'm not anymore, not really, but I'm still in a funk and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I'm kind of at a place where I'm over Sam - I still have feelings for him, and it's taking me longer than I wanted it to, but I feel like I'm okay with it now. Throwing myself into my activities helped, but I really want to do more. Go out with friends or something. I can't even remember the last time I went out with one of my friends.

Did I really become one of those girls who only spent time with her boyfriend? How the hell did I let that happen?

Ugh. I need to get out. I'm sick of not having any fun.

cokie__mason @ 2006-11-03T00:51:00

2006-11-03T15:51:55Z

My party was awesome. But things just aren't like they used to be.

I can't remember the last time I had fun doing something. I love being in the play. I love that I'm so busy with work and choir and the play that I don't have to think about how depressed I am all the time.

I almost called Sam after Homecoming. He was there with someone else. I don't know what this means. How can he be so happy while I'm so miserable?

Normally I would talk to Sam if I felt this shitty. I feel like a lost a lot more than just a boyfriend. It took me a long time to realize that he was my best friend.

i'm sorry

2006-09-20T14:42:03Z

Dear Sam,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ruined our weeekend. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you when you said nothing was wrong. I'm sorry that I wanted to take away someone you cared about because I didn't want her around. And I'm sorry because I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me by being jealous and stupid. I'm also sorry that it wasn't good enough for you to want me when there was someone else you wanted more, because from you, I wanted more. I'm sorry you don't understand how that made me feel, because I couldn't tell you.

I'm sorry you don't know that your biggest hand in this fight is your refusal to admit that it was wrong to be with me in place of someone else.

But if you were sorry, too, I couldn't help but forgive you.

cokie__mason @ 2006-07-19T10:58:00

2006-07-19T08:59:40Z

One more year at SHS.

One more month until I leave for London.

One more day until I see Sam.

One more second until I call him again.

cokie__mason @ 2006-06-28T11:53:00

2006-06-28T09:47:39Z

I have the most wonderful, loving boyfriend in the world.

And despite my best efforts, I really don't hate his sister anymore.

cokie__mason @ 2006-05-09T15:12:00

2006-05-09T13:35:43Z

The play ended on Saturday night. We had an awesome cast party at my house. Sam came. Good times.

Prom is less than a week away! I'm so excited. I even got nominated for Prom Court, with Grace and Shawna. I hope one of us wins because all the other nominees are those babysitter bitches. And if Stacey wins I'm going to be pissed.

cokie__mason @ 2006-04-28T12:02:00

2006-04-27T10:12:14Z

What a night, what a great night. We opened the play tonight and it was incredible. Sam and Grace were both there. He took me out to Pizza Express afterward.

Something has changed in him. For the first time I actually felt like he was proud of me. Because I'm good. For once I didn't feel like he thought he was too good for me.

Prom is in two weeks and I know he's got something planned, I just don't know what. I bought an awesome dress with Grace. We both got nominated for prom queen this year. One of us better get it because all the other nominees are those baby-sitter bitches, including Stacey. If she wins I swear I'm going to puke. Actually, most of the prom court makes me want to vomit. Logan is the one exception, because he's always been nice to me, even though he dates total losers. Oh well.. if he likes boring people, that's his business. Sam is way hotter than Logan anyway.

Godspell!

2006-03-06T05:16:31Z

I did it! I'm Sonia! I can't believe it.

We didn't find out for two entire days. As soon as I saw the list I ran to the bathroom to call Sam on my cell. He said he would take me out this Friday to celebrate.

It's going to be so great...

Sometime soon he wants for us to go out with Kristy, just to a movie or something. He wants us to be able to sit in a room together and not kill each other. Or talk shit about each other. Which is really what I do best. I hope I can get out of it by saying I need to study or something, but it's probably going to happen eventually. And probably sooner, rather than later. He's coming to my archery match on Saturday morning, and I know a bunch of the baby-sitter people are coming to see Mallory.

cokie__mason @ 2006-02-28T02:58:00

2006-02-28T02:22:49Z

I'm feeling pretty sad right now. I haven't seen much of Sam at all in the last month. We went out on Valentine's Day and talked on the phone a few times, but I just want to see him more and more. I like him so much it actually kind of hurts to not be around him.

Part of it is my fault. I'm overextended with archery and work and trying to keep my grades above failing so I can be in the play. Tryouts are tomorrow. I'm totally scared. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get a part.

I really hope things with Sam pick back up soon. I'm actually making an effort with Kristy for him. She posted in that baby sitters community they have, looking for Sam, and I actually responded to tell her that he was fine. I'm going to call him tonight to let him know she wants to talk to him. I hope he sees that I'm changing. He makes me a better person.

cokie__mason @ 2006-01-29T11:11:00

2006-01-29T10:26:16Z

Wow. So, Sam Thomas. He likes me.

It all happened really quickly. I stopped by his dorm one day and we started making out. Then he wanted to slow things down a little. He said he actually likes me. If he just wanted a piece he probably would be done with me by now. Or maybe he just likes a conquest... I hope not, because the more time I spend with him, the more I want to be with him. I don't think I've ever felt this way about someone before.

I know it sounds corny and cliched, but being around him, I act like a better person. I'm definitely happy when I'm with him, and nothing else really seems important enough to worry about. The only thing that worries me is that we haven't really defined our relationship yet. I don't think I could handle it if he started dating someone else, especially Stacey. He sent me some roses at work the other day... it made me feel special. That's part of why I like him so much. If he were doing that to other girls, it would ruin everything.

He wants me to try to be friends with Kristy. I don't think that's ever going to happen, but I'm going to try to be nicer to her. At least, as long as she's nice to me. I don't think Sam sees the stuff that Kristy does to get me going. I bet our relationship, or whatever it is, is driving her crazy.

cokie__mason @ 2005-12-27T13:00:00

2005-12-27T12:01:01Z

My Christmas was good. Mom and Daddy gave me a pair of really expensive, gorgeous diamond earrings and a new TV for my room. They spoil me. And Grace gave me a copy of Varsity Blues, which I've wanted for sooo long.

So, who should come into my store while I was working before Christmas but Sam Thomas? He is so hot... I get horny just thinking about him. I have no idea how he could possibly be related to Kristy the Cretin.

He came to my register and starting flirting with me. He told me he's taking classes at Stoneybrook U and moving into the dorms there... then he gave me his email address and told me we should hang out sometime.

So today I did! And he e-mailed me back! He was totally flirting with me. I'm going to wait a while to e-mail him back, it's good for boys to keep them hanging for a while. I'm so excited... maybe I should stop by and see him at his dorm sometime.

cokie__mason @ 2005-12-15T18:37:00

2005-12-15T17:59:48Z

I know I'm a bitch and everything, but that's still not going to get that punk Abby Stevenson out a charge of physical assault.

Except that Mom and Daddy are totally not backing me up. They said they don't have the money to sue her. Nothing spent, nothing gained, right? I know her mom has the money to pay out. And if we file papers, they might settle. But my parents still won't do it.

While I hate to admit it, it's probably a good thing. I actually feel a little bit bad about what I said. It isn't her fault her dad is dead, so I probably shouldn't have used that to insult her. I know she doesn't want to talk about it, so if we don't sue her, not many people will find out about that lack of judgment on my part. She never brings up her dad if she can help it.

I told the principal the next day that she hit me. At least I responded with actions and words instead of fists. She just got me so mad. She doesn't know anything about my life! I know plenty of people. They just aren't boring Stoneybrook nerds. I'm perfectly nice to people I actually like, and there just aren't many cool people in this godforsaken town.

a hard day

2005-12-10T22:28:56Z

UGH. Kristy Thomas is such a fucking bitch. I had a really bad morning. Mrs. Goodman is trying to ruin my life, so I cheated on my test--why shouldn't I if she wants to fail me? And I got caught. I talked my way out of it for now, but she's going to keep an annoying close watch on me now, I'm sure. So I was having a bad day, and it was only first period. Luckily Grace brought a fifth of vodka in a water bottle, so we took a few shots in the bathroom before our class together, and sipped on it little by little in class.

So naturally I had to make a pee break between my classes, and who do I find in the bathroom but Kristy Thomas, freaking out because someone wrote some shit about her on the wall. (Seriously, who cares? If shit on bathroom walls were true, I would have fucked half of the New England Patriots. Everyone knows it's just trash talk, and who would believe Kristy Thomas got laid anyway? I'm not even sure that I believe it myself. Anyway, if she did, I'm sure she was crap.) She left pretty quickly, but I'm not entirely stupid, and neither is she--she noticed I was kind of drunk and I figured she was going to tell someone about it, so I got the fuck out of there before anyone could catch me.

But seriously, what a spiteful whore. I'm going to get revenge.

cokie__mason @ 2005-12-02T01:29:00

2005-12-02T00:35:40Z

While I was work yesterday, some girl called me a bitch. Hello, like I didn't know that. She said it like I'm supposed to care. She was all pissed off because I finished touching up my lipstick before I rung her up. You're at Bellair's, honey, not Barney's, customer service is so not my calling and you can wait. Besides, I really don't care if I get fired. I thought I might actually like retail, but I cannot stand being fake-nice to people for three hours a day. I really just don't care. On the other hand, I did get a 2006 Celica for it, because I refused to work unless Mom and Daddy bought me a new car to get me there. And today I got a totally cute Coach bag before it went on the floor so nobody else has pawed all over it. Shopping is a lot easier these days. Mom and Daddy probably didn't realize I'd be spending all my money in the store when they made me get a job.

I am so sick of school. I'm so sick of this place altogether. I simply cannot wait to move away from this town of freaks and dorks with boring lives and no fashion sense. New York City is calling my name... two more years and I'll be out of here.